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It All Comes Down To This

September 3, 2009

The first time I saw Bane was in a shitty club in Peterborough at least 9 years ago.  I can’t find the actual date for it, but when I saw them at the Underworld last night, Aaron thanked the ‘kids who were here for our first European tour around 2000’.  That’s me, I was there.  I felt a bit old at that point. I must have been 17 then – the average age of the kids at the show last night.  Matt and I must have had ten years on most people in the room.  Crazy!

I haven’t been to a hardcore show in some years now – until last night.  I pretty much have best lady Lex to thank for this, as we used her and Max’s guestlist places, and she kinda made me go by telling me I had no excuse not to.  So thanks lady!  I think the clincher was also the fact it was Bane, and although they’re never going to be the most innovative band, every time I’ve seen them, I’ve had an awesome time.  Down to Nothing played too, but I don’t really know their stuff and I think they’re one of those bands that I’ve refused to give a proper chance to because I heard them a few times and decided they were just too tough for me – the same kind of approach I’ve applied to bands like Terror,  No Warning and, very strangely, Righteous Jams (strange because I can’t explain why I wouldn’t like a band such as RJ since they actually play the style of music I’d usually go for).  They (DTN) were pretty good too, so I think I might go find some of their albums and give them another go.

I managed to go the whole evening without saying ‘I don’t want to go tonight’ (my favourite refrain for planned socialising in the last 6 or 7 years) or ‘I hate hardcore’.  I developed I Hate Hardcore as my personal catchphrase around 2003, after I returned from Posi Numbers, a three-day hardcore festival, in Pennsylvannia.  Since I was struggling with depression around then, I found it especially hard to be at shows – several times after Posi Numbers, I would drive to allday shows, only to drive home again an hour later because it made me feel so down.  I have never been particularly outgoing as a person, but neither have I been especially ‘out of step’.  I’m just one of those folks that doesn’t fit either of the moulds, and at that time, I felt hardcore was getting really fucking nasty, petty and polarised, with edgebreak lists, interminable gossip and people just crapping on their friends and talking really harsh shit about each other.

Bane have been a background noise in my life, in one way or another, since I first heard them around 1998.  I’m no Baneiac, but Aaron Bedard is just one of those guys that hits a chord with me – he always talks about finding what’s important to you, about how he nearly walked away so many times, and how it’s reasons not rules that make us.  I’ve always had a Bane tape in my car – it makes me drive so erratically because it’s just so uplifting and defiant. 

Last night I stood on the balcony, as I have so many times at the Underworld, and actually felt alright at a show.  I didn’t make any girlfriends, which is what I would’ve liked (seriously though, the London scene seems to be mainly about backcombing your hair if you’re female – what the fuck is up with you people? It’s a fucking hardcore show! I can’t see because of your hair!)), but I saw old friends like xSheepx, and Matt and I had a jolly good time watching some bands. 

Who knows where it goes from here.

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